02
Nov
11

Coldplay “Mylo Whatever-o”

From Billboard:
“Slowly but surely Coldplay have become the masters of throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks.”

I’m here to tell you how much I disagree with the so called “genius” of Coldplay. Being a master of slinging crap at a wall and picking the 12 best turds does not make you a genius. It makes you lazy and complacent.

Oh but wait! You mean to tell me they’re jazzier? Incorporating more R&B and electronic into their sound?
Good. Another band that sold out to the fad of the times. Then again, I’ll at least give them credit for not making the same goddam album a fourth time in a row.

I swear, if you go into your iTunes/WinAmp/whatever and delete all the Coldplay album names, hit shuffle, you’d never be able to tell what song is off of what album. It’s downright pathetic that they haven’t changed a thing about their sound in so long ever… but the fact that they took this route is almost as disappointing as Skrillex leaving From First to Last to do his own crappy version of dubstep. Ugh, dubstep.

My point is, maybe in another decade I’ll look back on this album differently, but for right now, it just sickens me. This constant bandwagon jumping that record execs know will sell. So why not have Rihanna hop on board to sell more albums?!

Because this sound, this album, that’s not who this band is. They’re a remedial ripoff of the likes of U2, Radiohead, and Wilco. They’re a product of a record company exec thinking it was a good idea to recapitalize on the same sound, again.

This album is no different. It’s a capitalization of the current trendy sound. It’s like with Mylo they sat in studio and said “let’s make our version of OK. Computer while repackaging a couple of B-sides from our last album.” GENIUSES! “But let’s add in a bit of an electronic sound to appease the youth.” PRODIGIES! Piss off you yuppies.

I’m sorry, I’ve never dropped enough acid in my life to “groove” “get wrapped up in” or “sway” to a Coldplay song. No, I’m not sorry. Nor should anything Coldplay written be referred to as “dope beats” “massive anthem” or “rally rebellious youth.” You want to rally youth? Listen to the Sex Pistols, The Clash, get angry at the world you sissies! Or better yet, give your album away for free, like Radiohead did. You want to create a massive anthem? Grow some balls with some sort of call to action/sign of the times type song. Are the uprisings in the Middle East not inspiration enough? The current financial and economic ripoffs? The 1%? You want people to rally around your song, make a song against the establishment, or give your album away for free, like Radiohead did. You want dope beats? Listen to something else.

It’s lame. It’s tired, I don’t understand all the praise Coldplay continues to get, they’re not particularly enticing or exhilarating to listen to. No particular musician or real part of a song sticks out as memorable. Which explains why they re-re-repeat re-re-repeat words in “Paradise” so much. I guess this works to their advantage, so they can pump out the same exact crap every 2 years and you’ll still be enticed enough to buy it and think it’s a stroke of genius. It’s not.

They’re the soft rock, UK equivalent of Nickelback. No exceptional talent, crap lyrics, the constant need to bring in entire choruses to make songs sound full and complete. Soft rock for soft people. Soft rock hides the fact that every song you hear on that same lame ass radio station, that usually goes with the title “KISS” (what an insult to the band) or “EZ Listening” or “Lite,” are the same exact songs with a different singer’s voice layered over the top of that shit sandwich.

Do me a favor? Before you take a bite of it? Throw it at the wall and see what sticks. I bet it’s Coldplay.

2/5 — no wait, Rihanna effect: 1.5/5

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3 Responses to “Coldplay “Mylo Whatever-o””


  1. November 2, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    Coldplay are good sleepytime music. That’s about it.

  2. 2 jacobull
    November 2, 2011 at 11:56 PM

    It’s funny, I don’t own one Coldplay album and that only song that I could name of theirs would be “Yellow” since it was overplayed. Although they are talented musicians; I too find this album rather boring, there’s been no real “evolution” for Coldplay; they’ve simply stuck to the same formula and cranked out albums. Their real popularity was not their music as much as the lead singers marriage to Gweneth Paltrow, and the name of their kiddo “Apple”, how clever.

    They don’t play on the regular rotation in the HiFi Central offices that’s for sure.

  3. 3 ericstraus
    November 7, 2011 at 6:24 PM

    “Being a master of slinging crap at a wall and picking the 12 best turds does not make you a genius.”

    Awesome! Coldplay is pure garbage.


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