Call me Scrooge – McDuck or otherwise – if you must, but musically speaking, I hate hate HATE this time of year. Nothing annoys me more than the same, crappy holiday music being blared in shopping malls, offices, and in people’s homes. I think there might be two – three at the most – Christmas songs that I can tolerate for more than 2 minutes without blowing my brains out. One is “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” as performed by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. It at least has a very rock n’ roll sound and Clarence Clemons’ saxophone. The second, and it’s as overplayed as any, is Band Aid’s “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” Part of my enjoyment of this song is the nostalgia factor – most of the artists on the record are ones that I was crazy about in 1984; Duran Duran, Wham!, Culture Club, U2, the Police, etc. It’s not a completely “great” song (Bob Geldof recently said he thought it was the worst song of all time…and he wrote it!), but there’s a lot of passion behind the voices and it’s a good tune…way better than that “We Are the World” crap that followed the next year. The third is Run DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis.” Sampling the horn-driven beat from Clarence Carter’s “Back Door Santa,” this is a funky fresh hip-hop holiday song that I haven’t gotten sick of yet. “It’s Christmas time in Hollis, Queens. Mom’s cookin’ chicken and collard greens.” Classic.
Yes, there are some novelty songs that are fun to hear, like Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song” or, um…well, I guess that’s the only one.
But other than those, it’s the same, tired Jingle Bell Rock, Winter Wonderland, Let it Snow, etc. over and over and over again. And don’t give me that “Oh, but you should hear Taylor Swift’s version of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas!” Go to hell. It’s the same crap. The radio station that usually plays 60’s and 70’s pop hits switched to all holiday music before Thanksgiving! If I was a DJ there the microphone would be caked with my splattered cranial matter. Am I alone in my utter hatred for these cheesy cornball songs? Hopefully not, though others’ vitriol may not be as strong as mine, I know. Would I rather listen to holiday songs or Nickelback? Oooh, tough one. Both make me want to put a 2-inch drill bit in my ears and start drilling. My idea for the worst thing ever invented in the history of the universe? A Nickelback Christmas album.